not again
not for a while
my belly will remain dormant
it will not swell
and we will not look on it
expectantly
no
not for a while
the natives can rest at ease
we are caught in gazes
like relief
and where have you been
and did you see him?
I saw him
sometimes the Death card
is your next turnaround
so I put my hand over my mouth
I put my eyes into the sky
that day the blood came out
and I am not a Christian woman
but oh god-
oh god
oh god
oh god
I swallowed it down
Yes, I swallowed god
and every breath light
leaving for Australia's edge
to hide in the desert uterus
danced it out through the soles in my feet
just
I heard a song and a sip
of tea too strong for me,
But I took it anyway
The way bells ring
sometimes only
in the West
I'd like to think time
would wait for me in the
cloud pockets like bags
collecting mail, slow this
down slow me down
So I can feel this
My skin never dries
under the paper raincoat,
And she says, "Well at least
when its wet it can't cut
you" but she doesn't know
She doesn't know that I
would love to bleed
Some colour in the
grey, some ice cream
sandwiches and peanut butter
Some light caught in the leaves
The green
I need some in me
But the paper just molds
to me and tears and makes its
way towar
The days are made of clay
and the geese are hissing in
the black shitpot walkways
when I walk by, waiting for
the punch but I'm glad
that they know better
At least someone knew
better, my red face is leaking
out onto this floor, and they
want to snuff me out like
a cigarette they just sucked
the grit out of
You knows boys, I think you
should make them pay more
as long as its white they will
be willing to fold out their
pockets, as long as its white
And she says, Where are the
Indians? I don't see them
anywhere (Go buy some post
cards, Nana, you won't find
them here.)
But Pocahontas in a wig
is good at telling lies, an
Sticks and dirt in my shoes,
this is how I carry myself
around without you
And no one understands why
I wrap the wire so tight
but I know and you know
that we cannot go deep enough
so its quiet out there,
where they see my lips
my nose and my eyes -
a bland formation on
a lifeless landscape
I used to see the
pumpkin seeds buried and they
were beneath the deck, how
things grow in the dark
I know
And I think of you
when I am locked up in my
covers waiting for tomorrow
Moving above and in between,
sometimes you live only
inside of me
so when my fingers roam we can
just pretend even if this doesn't
make sense and the
My time with you
Unraveling, a coil
That releases
Itself and pushes
To newer levels
Of low
Gravity turns to
Players and switches from
One kill to another
And I want you
To come and
Break me
A blank canvas
Waiting for the
Creation, the link
In physical separation
Blue carries me and
This black I want to feel
Long after you're gone
Crossing my legs, I know
I know
I want to taste it
On the twists of my memory,
Vividly, to contain
You here inside of me
And I want you
To come and
Break me
Show me my fragility
Buried my gold shavings
in his hair,
there's some for the road, kid.
You'll make a good son
sun drop
against
an Appalachian spring
evening. Reflecting I caught
a breath of your
despair, twice a mother now
Twice carved names
against my dry tongue
flat
with taste bud embroidery
I felt you sigh
exiting
and here
I'm the one asking
I will name this one, too-
he will be like my brother was to me
illustrations
1937; addition, subtraction
He will teach us
our golden tongues
because he will embody it
Then she reminds me,
the tea wetting my upper lip
He will
He will not
But I will give him a name
and I will remember him always
I danced in her rain,
her dirty rain
polluted and relentless
unforgiving of my white pants
Walked through
sidewalks with voodoo dolls
dangling and lust spiraling
off with the liquor
and jazz
and old black men
from Seattle who play
saxophone
I have looked for your serpent skin,
dried and patterned unevenly
abandoned
under my knuckles, in the presence
of birth still slippery
and emerging.
I jumped with hair tied of crimson breed,
so I left no differently-
yes, it was rapid.
I have no right to string
these anchors to your lips
and watch them dip, dip, dip
into an exhalation of insults and stale pie,
that was not my intent
but I wandered down,
the crown extended and superseded,
with ease and lifted
I found my pots empty.
22 July 06+ fresh peaches + Under the Tuscan Sun + library books (on world mythology) + green rooibos tea + clarity + more flower photos + ideas for designs + notes to Alice + a soft, fresh roll + corn on the cob + bells ringing, right on time
24 July 06
+ homemade smoothies + chopping vegetables + Lila Downs + cleaning/organizing the painting studio + wild raspberry Icees + fresh blueberries + Chopin + a new, well-fitting shirt + old, comfortable shoes
1 August 06
+ hopelessly cheerful brick bell towers + seeing him in two weeks + in Montreal + productivity + mango popsicles + experimenting with prismacolor pastels + drawing naked peopl
I'm sending messages to my watchers letting them know that I've appreciated them throughout the years and it was very flattering that over 100 people were interested enough in my work to add me to their watch list. I'd like to redirect you to my most recent journal entry, where I describe why I'm leaving the site. The bottom suggests different ways to follow my work, and most importantly gives the link to my blog: kaylieabela [dot] blogspot [dot] com. I wish you luck with your future endeavors as well!
Hey don't worry about leaving comments on everything. I'm having a hard time keeping up with people myself. I'll have to grab you on aim or the phone some time and then we can truely review and catch up.